A Little Encouragement For the Alcoholic

Hey. It's been a long time since I've been here. I haven't written much at all, here or on my other blog. I've been busy with other things and haven't made the time to write. I do this all the time, though. I vow to write more, then you never hear from me again. 

My Facebook Page Supporting Alcoholics In Recovery has had quite a bit of likes over the past few months. I'm not sure why, exactly. Maybe because I changes the name a few months ago from Alcoholics in Recovery to Supporting Alcoholics In Recovery? I've had this page for at least 2 or 3 years, so the sudden interest is nice. I wish that when I started it I had made it maybe a closed group so people would feel more comfortable sharing. But I didn't really know anything about Facebook groups, communities or pages when I started it. I was just winging it. Maybe I can change it or create a new group. That will take up a bit of time, though, moderating (is that a word?) 

Robert Downey Jr. is an inspiration to me.

I started this blog for many reasons, but one reason was to offer some encouragement to others. I don't know how much help I could be to people or how much advise I can actually offer. I'm not a counselor or anything like that. All I can do is tell my story and what my experience is. 

I really just wanted people, especially women and mothers, to know they aren't alone. I felt so alone for the years I was an active alcoholic. Nobody understood what I was going through. People thought I could just make a choice to quit. "If you really loved your kids..." they would say. It's not that simple. 

In treatment there was a sign hanging on the wall, a sign that I hated at the time and didn't understand. It said, "There's nothing stronger than a mothers love...except addiction." I understand it now. I loved my kids more than anything and I would do anything for them. I would have died for them. But I could not stop drinking. I wanted to. I attempted to multiple times. But the craving and the need for alcohol always overcame my best efforts. Nobody understood what I was going through, even I didn't really understand it.

My point is, if I have a point, is that every now and then I am reminded of what I went through and the feelings I had during my drinking days and during early recovery. Being reminded makes me want to get back to my original goal - offering hope and encouragement. I am grateful that people are finding my page and I hope I can offer encouragement along the way, even if people aren't comfortable engaging. Maybe I will start a support group on Facebook. That will take some serious thought, though. Alcoholism isn't a daily thought for me anymore and I'm not sure I want it to be. I realize that isn't the case for a lot of people in recovery. It's all they might think about. Especially early recovery. I feel lucky for the fact that I can go about my day to day without obsessing over alcohol. But I can't say that I never think about it. I can't say there aren't times when I wish I could be like other people in terms of drinking. But I've accepted I can't. 

A few weeks ago, I was at a football game. We had box seats that were shared with some people we didn't know. I was making my food at the counter and there was a huge bottle of Vodka sitting there, which was my drink of choice. I had no desire, craving or anything for it. I actually felt a bit nauseated by it. I say that not to brag, but to offer hope. At one time, Vodka consumed me as much as I consumed it. Now, I can be in the same room with it and feel nothing but disgust. 

Life is good. God is good. Change is possible for those who really want it. And please don't wait until you hit rock bottom to stop drinking. Bottom could be the death of someone innocent, or even yourself.

Please follow my page (links above). It's for anyone in recovery, struggling with recovery, wanting to get sober or for those with loved ones in recovery or still struggling. It is meant to be a supportive place to find encouragement and hope, to give and receive. 

A Little Kindness and Gratitude Goes a Long Way

Politics brings out the worst in a lot of people. That is obvious to anyone who has a Facebook account. I generally stay out of it. I don't watch too much of the debates; just a little here and there. Enough to get a general idea about the candidates. I can't vote anyway now and I even when I could, sadly, I chose not to.

This is a Free Country and I believe in that. People have a right to express their personal views no matter what those views are. People have a right to chose their own religion. People have a right to chose their sexual orientation. Women have a right to decide what is best for their bodies and lives. I don't believe in any person who wants to take those rights away. There is plenty of stuff I don't believe is right that other people are all for. But I don't put them on blast for it.

There are going to be things about any candidate running that goes against what we want. You have to weigh the pro's and con's and decide who best supports your personal views. And when elected, that man or woman isn't going to get it right immediately. They have the previous years of someone else's mess to try to clean up. It can't be easy.

But the election is not what this post is about. It is about the way I witnessed people behave towards one another as a result of the election. I was on Facebook, looking at some of the comments people put up, just as I do several times a week, and I was disgusted. People are just plain nasty to each other. Someone said something like "thank you for voting for abortions and killing babies. Thank you for voting against religious freedom. You're all idiots..." and blah, blah, blah. There were so many of those types of comments, I couldn't believe it.

I posted a picture of Samantha Jones from Sex and the City about not believing in one party or another, just believing in parties. I wrote that I am glad Obama won and I received a condescending comment from my uncle. What got me going is the fact that everyone wants to be heard, but they don't want to listen. They matter and you don't. If you want me to hear you, then hear me!! It's called having respect and courtesy for one another. Don't quote God's word to me about how killing is wrong, when you go out and kill animals, not for food, but for the pleasure of killing a living thing!

I am personally happy with the results. And I am a Christian. I believe in the Word of God and I have been doing more studying His word over this past year more than ever before. I am trying to live my life as God wants me to live. I don't personally believe in killing anyone. But as a woman in this country, I do not believe in taking away any woman's right to chose what is best for her. People like to think the decision is black and white. It isn't. Some might believe that being Christian and being pro-choice is a contradiction. I don't think so.

I've never had an abortion. But I did have four unplanned pregnancies from the time I was 18. All my babies have the same father. But there was a time when their dad and I were broken up and I went out with some friends and got pretty drunk and took a man home who I'd met through friends but didn't know. If I had gotten pregnant after a night of stupidness, I would've had a tough decision to make. Do I have this baby when I am already a single mother of 2 small children and barely making ends meet, or do I not?

I know people say give the baby up for adoption. I'm sorry, but there are women who could not handle giving her baby away. I couldn't. Nobody knows the difficulty of a decision like that until you have had to make it yourself. As a woman and a mother who has been a single parent, who has struggled financially, I can only imagine how hard that decision would be.

I understand that there are women who struggle just to get pregnant. Those women feel like it is a slap in the face when someone who "accidentally" got pregnant, chooses to end her pregnancy. That would hurt. However, every woman has to decide for herself what is right.

This topic stirs up a lot of controversy. I try to avoid that. I don't care for controversy or conflict. But I am passionate about this subject. Some might think that being a Christian and being pro-choice, pro-gay rights is a contradiction when the Bible is pretty clear. (Although I don't recall reading about abortion specifically. Just that God knew us before we were ever concieved and so on. But I'm someone will be happy to inform me.) I don't believe it is a contradiction for me be a Christian and feel it is not my place to judge another person. It is not my place to tell them how to live. It is my place to show love and kindness despite our differences. That is where you make a difference in peoples lives.

I don't believe in people who claim to be Christians and like to quote scripture, like "God said 'Thou shalt not kill'," while forgetting that He also said, 'Judge not, lest ye be judged.'  Jesus said the most important commandment is to love one another.

We don't have to share all the same opinions and feelings. We are all different and we have all had our own experiences in life that have shaped our views and opinions. We all have different perspectives on any topic and we should use those various opinions to learn and grow ourselves. We don't have to change our minds, but we can learn to value other peoples opinions rather than condemn them for not believing as we believe. It is how you present your views. Being rude, nasty, confrontational is not the way to change a persons mind or heart.

I don't believe the way to convert someone to Christianity is to hatefully quote Scripture and take only one verse to prove yourself right, when there are so many other verses in the Bible that tell you how to treat people with love and kindness.

I don't believe in hypocritical Christians. I don't want to be one of those kinds of Christians. I believe it is those Christians who turn non-believers against us Believers.

I feel like the best way to get your point across on any subject is to do it with kindness and gratitude for the other person. If nothing else, you could learn something about yourself and feel good about yourself for behaving like an adult and not a bullying child. Bullying is what I have seen on Facebook. Not from children, but from grown people.

I want to state that I am not claiming to be perfect. I have made my mistakes in expressing myself when it would have been best to keep my opinions to myself. But I learn from that and try to filter myself as best as I can. (I need to do that more with my husband; I am pretty unfiltered with him and sometimes I feel like I can sound mean.) That is not the kind of person I am striving to be. I catch myself speaking hatefully sometimes and I pray for forgiveness and the strength and wisdom to speak only what is right. It's not easy to change behaviours that have been there for so long. But I try.

Our words have power. You can see that just by looking at Facebook among other things. The words people write stir up all kinds of emotions. It can cause anger, frustration, hurt, joy. A persons words on the screen can make you laugh or make you cry or make you scream. It's unfortunate when someone posts words intending to hurt someone else.

I have challenged myself and now I challenge anyone who reads this to watch your words. Respect other people, even if you don't agree with them. Be thankful for the people in your life and treat them with the kind of love and respect you would want to be treated with. Just one word can make or break your relationship. And remember that your children are watching the way you behave towards others and they are mimicking your behaviour. The anti-bullying war begins at home.

                       "What comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart
                                      and this defiles a person."  Matthew 15:18




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