Being Humble In Recovery

Being humble in recover isn't always easy. Sometimes you want to justify your actions and behaviors or you want to blame other people for your actions because they treated you bad or lied about you or whatever the case. It's easy to let pride stand in the way of admitting to others and ourselves what we have done wrong. Maybe those people really did do things to hurt you and the stress and pain led you down the path of alcoholism. But the fact is that we make our own decisions. Nobody forces us to do anything (in most cases). 

Part of recovery is making changes to our personality. Probably the most important change is to humble ourselves. Not only in recovery, but in life. God says very clearly to be humble. We need to humble ourselves before Him to allow Him into our hearts. But we should also humble ourselves before others to allow them into our hearts and our lives. 

Quote from Twenty-Four Hours A Day devotional.

People can try our patience and cause us to become defensive in the life of recovery. Sometimes they aren't willing to forgive our mistakes, despite the positive changes and progress we are making. Sometimes being humble means staying quiet. People will say hurtful things and sometimes they refuse to see or acknowledge our growth. It hurts, but we can't allow others to dictate how we behave anymore. We need to be humble. We can state clearly that the past is behind us and we are moving forward and hope our loved ones will one day see for themselves. But we need to fight the urge to become defensive, as hard as it can be.

Part of being humble is helping others. When we see others who are down and out or are trying to make positive life choices, we help in whatever way we can. Help a neighbor or a single mother or a child with whatever task they are working on. When we help others, we help ourselves. It feels good to offer kindness and we should expect nothing in return. This isn't only the way in recovery, but the Christian way. It's the way Christ told us to live. Be a servant of the Lord.




It's important for me to stop and think about these things sometimes. Life tends to get in the way of us doing what we know we should be doing. That's why having a good devotional is important. I pulled out my Twenty-Four Hours A Day devotional the other day. It is by far the best devotional I have. It offers a paragraph for the alcoholic in recovery - a daily thought. It also offers a meditation for the day - a paragraph pertaining to our relationship with God. Then it has a prayer for the day - a paragraph for us to think about throughout the day. 

My devotional has been well loved!

My devotional was given to me about 6 years ago, when I first attempted to get sober, by a nice woman in AA. As I've mentioned, I no longer go to AA. I haven't in over 3 1/2 years. So I don't know what ever happened to her. I have other methods of staying sober; getting in touch with my Higher Power is the main way for me. This devotional is amazing. Even the non-alcoholic could appreciate this book. We all have personality or character defects that cause us to do things or behave in a way that isn't the best and we should be addressing those defects. This book helps us look at ourselves in a new way. I love it. I hadn't read it about a year or so, so I'm making a fresh start. Today's thoughts on being humble was inspired by this book.

You can read more about being humble in the Bible. 

                                    1 Peter 5:6 says 

                                                            "Humble yourselves, therefore, 
                                                              under the mighty hand of God 
                                                              so that at the proper time he  
                                                                        may exalt you,"

                                   Philippians 2:3-11 says:

                                                            "Do nothing from rivalry or conceit,
                                                             but in humility count others more significant than                                                                              yourselves.
                                                             Let each of you look not only to his own interests, 
                                                             but also to the interests of others.
                                                             Have this mind among yourselves,
                                                             which is yours in Christ Jesus, who,
                                                             though he was in the form of God,
                                                             did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped,
                                                             but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant,
                                                             being born in the likeness of men..."

Ask yourself, "have I been humbling myself before God and man?" I know I could do better myself. 

What are your thoughts on humility?
                                                               

Nothing is Stronger Than a Mothers Love...

I recently read in the paper about an acquaintance of mine who was arrested for battery and disorderly conduct. This wasn't her first arrest on similar charges, in fact, a year ago she did jail time for battery on an LEO. She was drunk when she got arrested that time and I am assuming that was the case this time as well.

It's been about a year since I have seen her. We did a little time in jail together and before that, we were in treatment together. In jail, she never pretended she wanted to get sober. She seemed convinced that she was bound to live as a raging alcoholic forever. She seemed scared that this disease would kill her, however, that fear wasn't enough. The depression and anxiety she suffered was far worse in her mind. When she was sober, she had to feel whatever feelings she had. That may have been worse in her opinion than the pain alcoholism brought her life.

She has a few young children, who live with their dad. From what she said, he never tried to keep those children from her; he allowed her to see them whenever she wanted to, (which I think is amazing on his part). But she chose to drink instead. It was obvious she loves her boys, but as I've heard it said, "nothing is stronger than a mothers love...except for her addiction." I've offered myself and my situation as an example of that statement, but this woman is another example. No matter how strong your love for your children is, it's not always enough to keep you sober. You have to want it for yourself.

I believe she may be looking at prison time now. She's had many chances to get her life together. I just don't think she wanted to. Maybe she just didn't feel she deserved another chance. Maybe she was so consumed with shame and guilt, that the only thing she could do was drink those feelings away. I can relate to that, and I know so many others can also. Until she deals with those feelings, she's bound to keep returning to what feels comfortable to her.

I know what it is like to battle depression. I also know what it is like to suffer some bouts with anxiety. You feel like you are crazy; like you are losing your mind. You don't know why or what is wrong with you and no matter what you do, you just can't get over it. The more you try and fail, or the more other people try to help you, the crazier you feel. And you can't understand what is happening to you. Why can't you just be happy? Why can't you just feel "normal?" It's a difficult feeling to explain, and unless you've been there yourself, it's difficult to understand.

So, some of us drink or use other drugs, in an attempt to feel something. Or in an attempt to not feel what we're feeling. We drink because we're depressed, and we become more depressed because we drink. Alcohol is a depressant. It might work to numb ourselves from whatever feelings we have, but soon, it only amplifies those feelings. It becomes a vicious cycle. And then you feel helpless.

I feel for this woman. I had hoped she would get it together last year, after she was released from jail. But honestly, I didn't think she would. She wasn't ready. She hadn't hit bottom yet. For some people, everything she had gone through would've been bottom. An alcoholic or addict, who is sober, can usually spot the one who is not yet ready. And you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves.

For her sake, and her children's, I hope she has hit bottom. It will only get worse if she hasn't. Prison can sober you up, but until you deal with what is going on inside of you, you're just going to go back to your old patterns and behaviors when you get out; if you get out.

Anxiety, depression, addiction, alcoholism...they do go hand in hand.


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Me and Booze (The Break Up)

Not Me

I used to wonder why and how I could become an alcoholic. Without placing the blame on somebody else for how they "made me feel," there is no explanation or reason. Addiction doesn't discriminate. It was gradual, but sudden at the same time. My tolerance grew more and more and it took longer to "feel" the way I wanted to. I was always chasing the feeling alcohol gave me in the beginning, before I was hooked. I never found that feeling again, no matter how much I drank, what I drank or how fast I drank it. I was miserable; I was ashamed. I would wake up after the first night of a bender, feeling guilty and ashamed. So I would start drinking again. It was a vicious cycle. I drank because I was depressed and I was depressed because I drank.

I would sober up after a 2-3 day bender and I wouldn't drink for a couple weeks ('til next pay day), but the feelings of guilt and shame never went away. With people constantly checking up on me and reminding me of what I did or said, those feelings wouldn't leave. People were concerned about the kids, and me. But I just didn't want to hear it. I wanted to forget and I wasn't being allowed to. Why did they think I was drinking in the first place? I didn't want to feel those negative emotions. I didn't want to hurt anymore. I wanted to be left alone; to isolate with the one thing that I thought gave me a little peace of mind; my friend, my vodka.

Like with any relationship, you want it to work so much, whether it's good for you or not. You think you can change things to make it better, make it different. I tried to drink less, that never worked. I tried to switch back to beer; yeah, right, I could drink a whole case of beer. I tried to set limitations and boundaries, but once I got a taste of it, I couldn't stop until I was physically incapable of taking another drink. I knew it wasn't good for me; it wasn't good for my family, but I just couldn't get enough.

So I tried to end it; tried to sever all ties to it. (It's really hard to give something up when it keeps finding it's way back to you.) I tried to forget it completely, because that's what I do, I TRY to forget. But my mind was consumed with it. I was obsessed. Everywhere I looked, there it was; on t.v. in magazines. The liquor store beckoned me every time I left the house.

There was no escaping, so I'd give in. I'd convince myself it would be just this one time. Just one more try. Then I would stop.I wouldn't get out of control; I wouldn't do anything stupid. How many times do you have to hurt or be hurt to become convinced something isn't good for you? How many arrests and days spent in jail does it take? For me, it was 3 arrests and approximately 53 days in jail total before I got it.

My relationship with alcohol is like a metaphor for my relationship with my ex, or vise-versa. They are one in the same. I knew it wasn't good, I knew it was destroying from the inside out. I knew it would never change and that I would never be the woman I wanted to be as long as I held on to the relationship.

At one time, it truly was like a break up. I was so sad and depressed the first time I tried to get sober. I was lonely. Alcohol was my comfort, my best pal. I was alone without it, I thought. But I finally let go of both. It took hitting rock bottom for me to accept reality. I had to face the truth and accept it so that I could move on to bigger, better and brighter things. And that's what I did. I severed all ties and all the feelings I used to have. And surprisingly, once I make up my mind, it was easy. No, not the work that I had to do no myself afterwords, but giving up what was destroying me was. I was on the road to recovery and true happiness followed close behind.


When I look back, at both relationships, I wonder, "why?" What the hell was so great about them? Obviously, 4 wonderful children came out of one relationship, but that was about it. The alcohol? I don't know. It seems pointless sometimes.There's no reason that will ever make sense to me, other than it's a disease. It's an obsession of the mind, an allergy of the body. My mind and body don't react to alcohol the way a normal persons does.

Now, I am focusing on the positive. Growth is my goal. I've learned a very hard lesson and I have grown from it, as a mother, as a woman, as a human being. I don't ask why anymore, because I know that God allowed me to go through it all for a reason. So that I would become a better, stronger person and I would have something to offer other people...Hope.


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What to do when alcohol is destroying your life

        Theses are steps that I took after finally hitting rock bottom in my disease of alcohol dependence. I am not an alcohol or drug counselor, these are my opinions based on my own experiences with alcoholism and what I've witnessed in other people through personal experiences and other peoples stories. What might seem like common sense to most people, is not so easy for the alcoholic/addict. It is easier said than done. These are the initial steps I took toward getting healthy, mind, body and spirit; and some I continue working on today. (These are aside from the 12 steps.)

                                                                     10 STEPS

1. Get Help. It is okay. Admitting you are powerless does not make you weak, in fact, the opposite is true. Asking for help is not always easy, especially for an alcoholic or addict, but this is the most necessary part. Find a good 12 Step program for starters. While I personally don't believe it is the only way to stay sober, I do believe is important in early sobriety. There you will meet people who have been where you are. Sure, their stories might seem crazy different from yours, but at the end of the day, they suffer from the same disease and you will hear stories that give you strength and hope and courage to go on. If you don't have a group in your town, look in another town, or look for an on-line meeting such as www.aaonline.net or aa-intergroup.org or any others. Start working the 12 Steps. A sponsor will help with that.
2. Get into a treatment program, whether it is in-patient or out-patient. Decide based on your current situation and how bad things have gotten out of control. I have done both. If you work full time that will be a factor. If you have young children in your custody and you don't have anyone to leave them with, there are in-patient facilities that offer childcare. Nobody really wants to go to rehab, but if you're serious about getting your life together, you will not hesitate. If you do, you might not be ready yet. I'm sure that statement won't sit well with some people, but that is my experience. You can't get sober for somebody else or because somebody tells you to. A judge can order you into treatment, but that, in and of itself, won't keep you sober. You have to want it for yourself. "Fake it 'til you make it" never worked for me, or many others. Treatment is a place to learn about your disease and the causes behind it, and to gain "tools" that you take with you when you leave that will hopefully help in the difficult times. You'll start understanding why you do the things you do. Alcoholism/Addiction is an obsession of the mind; allergy of the body. That has stuck with me since my first time in treatment. 
3. Take responsibility for your choices. Do not play the blame game. I think it's part of our nature to want to point out what someone is doing wrong or to put all our crap on someone else because of how they made us feel, although our feelings may be justified. Now, there are exceptions to this rule. But unless someone physically forced the alcohol down your throat, it was your choice. I didn't start drinking with the intention of becoming an out of control binge drinker. Nobody in their right mind wants to be an alcoholic. It can happen to anyone. But once you accept responsibility and hold yourself accountable for your actions and choices, the easier things will start becoming. It takes time, so don't be too hard on yourself. Just acknowledge that you made a choice, and now you are making the right choice to move on to a brighter day.
4. Find a network of support. Hopefully you have family that is supportive and allows you room to grow. (I will write more on that topic another time). Hopefully you have a group of sober friends. Hopefully if you have a spouse/significant other, they are clean and sober. If not, it will make it near impossible to stay sober if your partner is not. AA is the best place to find the kind of support you will need on this journey, so get names and numbers (preferably of the same gender) and use them. This is part of asking for help and that is what they want to do; help others who are struggling.
5. Do your time-if there is any to do. If you have gotten into trouble with the law, and have been convicted, get through your time as best as possible with as much positivity as you can stand. Jail sucks a big one, but if you're there, or are going there, accept it and move on. Plan on reading a lot! If you are on probation, report when you are told to, do what you P.O. tells you and be responsible. Work, pay your fines, child-support, whatever. Make the most of it and stay out of trouble. Seems simple enough.
6. Get individual therapy. It will help to have someone to talk to who is unbiased and will help you work through your feelings. 
7. Try meditation. Learn to stay focused and find inner peace. Learn to breath for relaxation. It will really help in times of stress and crisis. Breathing really is the key to calming and centering yourself. It takes practice, but it is very rewarding.
8. Take care of your body. Start eating right and exercising. (This is probably the most difficult for me now.) While you are trying to improve and grow mentally, emotionally and spiritually, don't forget your body. We've polluted our bodies and mind equally while in our addiction, so don't neglect in healing all areas. Balance is key. Yoga is really great for bringing mind and body into balance, and it's not all about turning yourself into a pretzel; I certainly can't do that...yet. 
9. Take time out. This is extremely important. You have to find time for yourself, especially if you have children in the home. Have a friend or family member or spouse watch them while you do something for yourself. It is not selfish, it is an important part of recovery. You need time to relax and unwind and think and to feel your feelings. Get to know yourself again. 
10. Don't let other peoples criticism and judgement faze you. Whether it's someone you love or someone you really can not stand, or a complete stranger. It's none of your business what other people think about you. Really. It might hurt your feelings for a bit, but does it change who you are? In a society that thrives on drama and chaos and gossip, that may be hard to accept, but the sooner you do, the better. Sure, it's frustrating as hell when you know someone is talking behind your back or even to your face, if they dare. But why let someone who is not your friend, who you don't care about get you all worked up and crazy. That can lead to relapse; believe me, I know. Focus on you and what's really important and not other people. My motto comes from an awesome song by Fall Out Boy: "I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me." Their negativity that is directed at you will only hurt themselves in the end. It's called karma, baby!

      I hope this will help somebody get whatever kind of help and inspiration they need. It's a long road, but it is most rewarding. When you start rebuilding trust with your children and loved ones, you will feel like you can accomplish anything. Just get over that big hump in front of you and believe in yourself! You can do it.


Warning: Good alcohol/drug counselors, bad ones: There are both and I have had both. I had a counselor who should not have been a counselor at all. She was down right nasty to certain people. There are counselors who I feel can hurt a persons recovery. Some try to be hard and just come off as assholes. But there are those who gracefully walk the line of being just hard enough to get their clients to listen and work their program honestly, and hold them accountable and aren't afraid to call bull-shit, while still being compassionate and understanding. My last counselor was that way. She helped me through the worst period of my life and I am forever grateful to her. My best counselors were ones who were in recovery themselves, who have been there and know the games people play, because they have played them. You can't bull-shit a bull-shitter.   Thanks Sarah.

        Like I stated earlier, these are my opinions that I hope can help someone. You don't have to agree with everything. It is my experience, strength and hope.