Long time, no write, right? Well, what can I say about life these days?
Life is good, in general. My kid's are wonderful. I am enjoying every second with them. We go walking almost every day, when the weather is nice. They love to go for walks. We walk and talk and have a nice time.
Still having issues with their step-mom completely overstepping boundaries. She thinks she is a legal guardian to my kids and she is not. She's badgering my kids about me, trying to get some kind of info, I'm not sure what she thinks she is doing. She is either really stupid or really smart. I am thinking it's the former. But if she's trying to piss me off, she is succeeding. However, I know she thinks she can provoke me into doing something stupid and that won't happen. I am smarter than that. I will not beat her ass, no matter how much she pushes and I won't start hitting the bottle either. She is wasting her time. But enough on that subject.
We are all settling in with our new life together and I couldn't be happier with it. I am so in love with each and every one of those kids. I hate sending them back to their dad's. I miss them like crazy the week they are with him.
On a positive note, their dad and I have been getting along better. How long that'll last, I don't know. We usually get along for a while, then we're at each other's throats again. But that is just too stressful, for me and the kids. They know what's going on. But it would be really nice if he and I could just get along and put the kids first and put our shit behind us. I just want to get along and co-parent. That is it. But who knows.
I am doing fantastic in sobriety. Sober and happily so. I wouldn't ever give up what I have gotten back just for a drink. It is not easy, tying to salvage your name and get people to see you in a way other than what they have heard about you. I am not interested in trying to impress people or change how they think, especially when they don't know me to begin with. I am just being who I am. I am a good person, a good mom, a sober mom, a loving mom. I try to do what is right and to be nice to people.
But I am also a little tougher than I used to be. I am not naive about things like I once was and I have seen the negative side of human nature to an extreme. I won't be pushed around. That is it. People can chose to get to know me, or listen to what they have heard about me and not give me a chance. That is fine. I am not going out of my way for people who judge based on gossip or your past. We all have a past and it is not all good. We have all done things that we wish nobody would ever find out about. My past is all public knowledge, though. It sucks.
I feel I am someone my kids can be proud of now. Sure, if people bring up stuff their mom did a long time ago, or even just a little over 2 years ago, they might be embarrassed. But they can be proud of the woman who took responsibility for her actions and took action to change. I want them to understand accountability and responsibility for their actions and choices. That is a concept not even a lot of adults seem to grasp. It sucks admitting you are wrong. Or that you need help.
Well, that is all I have got for now. I am having a mommy and Nathan day while the other kids are in school. We are going to get my vans ignition interlock re-calibrated (fun!), we just went for a walk, stopped and got him some doughnuts and then we are going to McDonald's (I hate McDonald's!), then I don't know what. Just hanging out.
