I have also started a Christian Apologetics course and a Bible study course. I have a lot going on. But My Life Sober is a priority. I want to write at least 3 posts a week still. I may have stretched myself a little thin but I am so excited about everything. I love the Bible study and aplogetics course. I am enrolling in a theology course. That is what I want to major in. But I know it will take time, as I work full time, have 4 kids, and I have some other stuff to complete. But I am really happy. God has called me and I can't put it off any longer. He won't let me.
I am feeling great. I have so much hope for the future. Things might be tough at times, but I'll survive.
I am 18 months sober! Yae, me! I had the most stressful week I've had in a long, long time and I am still sober and never even thought about drinking. Thank you, God. I am doing great. You know, it's amazing what a person can do when they set their mind to something and have faith in God to help them. Yesterday, I was looking through my Bible and came to Psalm 119:65-72:
Do good to your servant
according to your word, O Lord.
Teach me knowledge and good judgement,
for I believe in your commands.
Before I was afflicted I went astray,
but now I obey Your word.
You are good, and what You do is good;
teach me Your decrees.
Though the arrogant have smeared me with lies,
I keep Your precepts with all my heart.
Their hearts are callous and unfeeling,
but I delight in Your law.
It was good for me to be afflicted
so that I might learn Your decrees.
The law from Your mouth is more precious to me
than thousands of pieces of silver and gold.
When I read this, it was perfect. It was exactly what I needed to read and it says exactly how I feel. Some of the things I did in my past are horrible, but had it not happened I would not have learned God's way. Now, I already knew God's commandments and I knew what I should be doing, but I didn't have it in my heart. I say I have always been a Christian, but I wasn't living a Christians life. I know I'm not alone on that. I now strive to be a "true" committed Christian and do what is right. I make mistakes and I know I have work to do, but at least I really am trying. And believe me, when I get a nasty attitude with people, like I do when I am stressed, God deals with me.
Some people still "smear me with lies," and spread rumors and gossip about me, and it does hurt to some degree, because I am not my past and they don't see, or want to see that. But I don't have to worry about them. I just have to delight in God's law and He will take care of the rest. Rumors and gossip can really hurt a person and make an already bad or difficult situation worse, but what can I do? Nothing. I can't change them, I can only change me, with the Lord's help and guidance.
These kinds of changes aren't just for alcoholics and addicts; everyone has made mistakes. Maybe not to the extent of my mistakes, but everyone has changes they need to make, whether they want to admit it or not. Making significant changes in one's life is not easy. Sometimes it's easier to just stay the same. It's easier to just have an attitude with people than it is to hold your tongue. Sometimes I get so angry or frustrated that my blood is just boiling and to not say something or go off is the hardest thing ever. I'm like a volcano ready to erupt. But the more I manage to hold my tongue the prouder I can be of myself and the progress I am making. It isn't progress that another person can see or measure, but only God and myself are aware. One step at a time, one day at a time. That's how we all must live.
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photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/ag2r/5384026380/">Angelo González</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photo pin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">cc</a>
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