My Life This Day

I want to start off saying how sad I am for the families in Connecticut. How awful. There are no words to express the emotions that come when thinking about what happened. It is scary. I have 3 children in school and soon I'll have 4. We send our kids to school expecting them to be safe and come home to us unharmed. When things like this happen, I understand why more people are homeschooling their kids. I went to a private Christian school and can't imagine something like this happening. But it can happen anywhere. It is terrifying. I am praying for the families.

On another not, my husband and I went and looked at a house last night that we love. I really want it, but my job is not good right now. I have basically been on lay-off, working only part time the past few weeks. Some of my co-workers have been on lay-off for longer. It really sucks. I don't make much to begin with, and it is Christmas time, which is the worst time of year to be out of work. It is quite stressful and frustrating. But what can ya do? I guess I should be happy I am working at all; but that doesn't pay my bills.

My husband and kids and I just started going church. I haven't been to church in about 9 years. I have had a lot of guilt about that. But I didn't want to go back to my old church because of a few people who I don't want to deal with. And as a Seventh-Day Adventist, we go to church on Saturdays, and that won't work for my family. I hate to admit it, but I am putting my kids' extra-circular activities ahead of my religion. But my kids really wanted to go to church and we found a nice little one with very nice people. I believe that God just wanted to get me back into church and fellowship with Him and other believers, and He led me to a new place.

God has been dealing with me for about 2 years about going to church and I swore that when I got my kids back, I would take them to church. It is important to me that my kids learn about God and build a relationship with Him through Christ, as I had when I was young. But I turned my back on Him, and my life went down hill from then on. I want my kids to have a good life and I believe they will have a happier life if they have a relationship with the Lord. They enjoyed themselves and were so good. They can't wait to go next time.

I have been pretty stressed out lately. Not working enough hours, being sick last week, bills piling up...But I know that I have to have faith. Maybe this is some kind of test. I have definitely felt my faith being tested for a few months, and I thought I was getting through it all pretty well, but lately, I have fallen into that old negative thinking. Well, not so much thinking as feeling. It's hard to control your feelings.

My kids will start living with me every other week the beginning of February and I am a little stressed about day-care. I'm still not sure where I stand with their day-care provider, who happens to be their step-mom's mom. She doesn't like me (and doesn't know me) and I worry about how that will go. Last time, she was so rude to me. My ex said that is just the way she is, but I don't think my kids' babysitter should be disrespectful to me. Most women don't have to deal with their ex's new mother-in-law. But I will do my best to just be nice and not let anyone get to me.

I am just putting my faith and trust in God. I know He is supplying all of our needs and everything will work out according to His Will. It is hard not to stress out when things go from bad to worse. I wonder if it is my feelings lately that causing my circumstances to get worse.

Even with all the added stress right now, I am so thankful that I have not had any desire to drink at all. I am sober and proud of myself. I am in a very good place in my sobriety, and I have my Father in Heaven to thank for that.

I hope everyone has a wonderful, safe weekend. God bless!