New Beginnings and Second Chances

Shared custody of my kids starts 1-18-13. I am so happy! They will be back with me every other week. It has been 2 years since they have lived with me and that was only a few months. It was a year before that. It's been since Sept. 2009 since I had full custody of my kids. They are happy and excited, too.

I admit I am a little stressed. Most of that stress is because my ex still wants to control everything I do and my kids do when he has no say what goes on when it's my week. He thinks because he pays for most of the daycare and school that that means he is in charge. It won't be that way and he and I are going to butt heads, unless he backs off. I won't put up with his crap any more. Things won't be like they were last time. 

My kids are my first priority, despite what their dad thinks and says. His wife and her mom are already running their mouths in front of the kids about stuff. The kids tell me all the time that they are saying bad things about me. I know I can't let it get to me. I don't care what they or anyone thinks of me, but they don't need to express their opinions in front of my kids. It makes the kids feel bad when someone is saying mean things about their mom. They should be thinking of the best interest of the kids and not getting at me.

It might take a little time for us to get in a routine. But I know it will work out. If I can just stay calm with the ex and not let him push my buttons, it'll be fine. 

I am just so ready for them to be home. I've been waiting for this moment a long time. It is finally here.

I am coming up on 2 years of sobriety. That feels amazing. Even though I am stressed, I am sober and I believe fully that I will stay sober. 

I ran into my old counselor from treatment last weekend. She helped me through a very rough time in my life. She was the best counselor I have ever had. She had been through addiction before, so she knew what it was like. She said it like it was, but was caring also. She told me she had postpartum depression and relapsed. I felt really bad for her. 

I know how postpartum depression can be. It is hard. I had it, worse with each child. After my third baby, it was the worst. I felt like I was literally going crazy. But hearing her just reminded me that no alcoholic or addict is incapable of relapsing. Even the person who seems the strongest in their recovery can still relapse. We all have our struggles in life and we all have another relapse in us. But we don't all have another recovery in us. I know I don't. It's prison or death for me. I do stupid shit when I drink and every relapse is worse than it was before I quit.

I believe my old counselor will be okay. I hope. It sucks seeing someone you look up to stumble or fall, but it happens to the best of us. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone. Nobody is perfect and I think it would be nice to see more compassion from people. Some people think they are perfect and like to point out other peoples faults. They forget that not too long ago they made a mistake or did something they wish they didn't do. Maybe it wasn't as big a mistake as the ones I've made or someone else, but they've messed up non the less.

So lets try showing some compassion to others today. You never know who you'll come into contact with that might really need it and how you could positively impact a persons life. Don't judge a book by it's cover and don't judge a person because you heard something about them. Give them a chance and get to know them for yourself. That is what I am going to work on. I will attempt not to judge those who judge me. I will attempt to give them a chance to get to know me and show them why not everything they have heard is the truth.

Until next time, have a wonderful week.