Filling the Void (What is addiction?)

A woman I work with told me she had been reading my blog and had found it inspiring. I am grateful to anyone who reads my work and has good things to say about it. The fact that she is not an alcoholic or addict and found my blog inspiring touched me; I wish to inspire anyone who just wants a better life. She said that everyone has had their addictions, it doesn't have to be alcohol or drugs, it can be anything: food, working, sex, money, shopping, dieting, exercise, caffeine, etc. I've been hooked on chapstick forever, and Pepsi Max. Then she said something else and put it in such a way the she inspired me. She said, "addiction is just a void that we are trying to fill." She went on to say that God made us that way because we are supposed to be filled with Him. He allows us to hit bottom so that we will turn to Him.

In my last post, God's Will Be Done, I wrote about my experience; when I felt God speak to me and how I now know why God allowed me to go through the things I've gone through. I was searching for something. I look back and I know that since I was a teenager, I was searching. what I really wanted was love. We all do, right? I wanted to feel really loved.

I had a few boyfriends in high school, nothing serious. I always seemed to date the same type of guys; someone with a serious void of their own that they were trying to fill...a void I could never fill for them. I would definately say the first thing I used as a substance, other than rock n' roll, was men. No, I didn't sleep around in high school; I as too shy and reserved for that. Once I got out of school, however, things changed. I used whoever I was seeing at the time and sex to try to feel good. But no amount of sex or man ever filled the void within myself, and I had such high expectations for these men that I was always left disappointed.

Then I got pregnant. I thought that this baby was all the love I would ever need. The love I have for my children is eternal. It's immortal; it will never die. Even after I'm gone, the love I have for them will still be out there, forever present. But that still wasn't enough to fill the hole inside of me.

I was already depressed and my depression just grew. Nothing made me feel good. I turned to alcohol. For a brief period, it did make me feel good. It made me feel something. It helped me forget for a little while how miserable I was. I was so unhappy and the more I looked to things and other people, the worse I felt.

It wasn't until I hit rock bottom and finally heard God speak to my heart and soul, that I started feeling better.  That void was beginning to be filled. It wasn't a complete and immediate transformation, but it as pretty close. I knew what I was searching for. I knew my answer was my Father in Heaven.

I still have things to work on. I know God gives me things to work on so I won't become too complacent. I still turn to food for comfort sometimes. And when I am bored. But that conversation I had with my co-worker really inspired me. I don't need to turn to food, or anything; I can give that issue up to God, just as I gave Him my issue with alcohol. He will take it off my hands. He is fulfilling His promise of giving me a new hope and a future.

Not me

I don't have to live with any addiction, I'm in need for nothing but God's love, mercy, and grace. With Him I can do anything, I can overcome any obstacle.

My new goal is to stop obsessing about my weight and start focusing on the Lord and the dreams He has placed in my heart. I have the love I have always wanted. God has given that to me freely. And He has put people in my life to be expressions of His love. I look to Him for fulfillment.

What have you been addicted to? Nobody likes to think or themselves as being addicted to anything, but we all have had our vices. Caffeine, maybe? How are you handling it?

Feel welcome to leave questions or comments. I will respond ASAP and I'll visit your site!!







photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/_sk/2637991869/">PetitPlat - Stephanie Kilgast</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photo pin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/">cc</a>