10 STEPS- Get Help. It is okay. Admitting you are powerless does not make you weak, in fact, the opposite is true. Asking for help is not always easy, especially for an alcoholic or addict, but this is the most necessary part. Find a good 12 Step program for starters. While I personally don't believe it is the only way to stay sober, I do believe is important in early sobriety. There you will meet people who have been where you are. Sure, their stories might seem crazy different from yours, but at the end of the day, they suffer from the same disease and you will hear stories that give you strength and hope and courage to go on. If you don't have a group in your town, look in another town, or look for an on-line meeting such as www.aaonline.net or aa-intergroup.org or any others. Start working the 12 Steps. A sponsor will help with that.
- Get into a treatment program, whether it is in-patient or out-patient. Decide based on your current situation and how bad things have gotten out of control. I have done both. If you work full time that will be a factor. If you have young children in your custody and you don't have anyone to leave them with, there are in-patient facilities that offer childcare. Nobody really wants to go to rehab, but if you're serious about getting your life together, you will not hesitate. If you do, you might not be ready yet. I'm sure that statement won't sit well with some people, but that is my experience. You can't get sober for somebody else or because somebody tells you to. A judge can order you into treatment, but that, in and of itself, won't keep you sober. You have to want it for yourself. "Fake it 'til you make it" never worked for me, or many others. Treatment is a place to learn about your disease and the causes behind it, and to gain "tools" that you take with you when you leave that will hopefully help in the difficult times. You'll start understanding why you do the things you do. Alcoholism/Addiction is an obsession of the mind; allergy of the body. That has stuck with me since my first time in treatment.
- Take responsibility for your choices. Do not play the blame game. I think it's part of our nature to want to point out what someone is doing wrong or to put all our crap on someone else because of how they made us feel, although our feelings may be justified. Now, there are exceptions to this rule. But unless someone physically forced the alcohol down your throat, it was your choice. I didn't start drinking with the intention of becoming an out of control binge drinker. Nobody in their right mind wants to be an alcoholic. It can happen to anyone. But once you accept responsibility and hold yourself accountable for your actions and choices, the easier things will start becoming. It takes time, so don't be too hard on yourself. Just acknowledge that you made a choice, and now you are making the right choice to move on to a brighter day.
- Find a network of support. Hopefully you have family that is supportive and allows you room to grow. (I will write more on that topic another time). Hopefully you have a group of sober friends. Hopefully if you have a spouse/significant other, they are clean and sober. If not, it will make it near impossible to stay sober if your partner is not. AA is the best place to find the kind of support you will need on this journey, so get names and numbers (preferably of the same gender) and use them. This is part of asking for help and that is what they want to do; help others who are struggling.
- Do your time-if there is any to do. If you have gotten into trouble with the law, and have been convicted, get through your time as best as possible with as much positivity as you can stand. Jail sucks a big one, but if you're there, or are going there, accept it and move on. Plan on reading a lot! If you are on probation, report when you are told to, do what you P.O. tells you and be responsible. Work, pay your fines, child-support, whatever. Make the most of it and stay out of trouble. Seems simple enough.
- Get individual therapy. It will help to have someone to talk to who is unbiased and will help you work through your feelings.
- Try meditation. Learn to stay focused and find inner peace. Learn to breath for relaxation. It will really help in times of stress and crisis. Breathing really is the key to calming and centering yourself. It takes practice, but it is very rewarding.
- Take care of your body. Start eating right and exercising. (This is probably the most difficult for me now.) While you are trying to improve and grow mentally, emotionally and spiritually, don't forget your body. We've polluted our bodies and mind equally while in our addiction, so don't neglect in healing all areas. Balance is key. Yoga is really great for bringing mind and body into balance, and it's not all about turning yourself into a pretzel; I certainly can't do that...yet.
- Take time out. This is extremely important. You have to find time for yourself, especially if you have children in the home. Have a friend or family member or spouse watch them while you do something for yourself. It is not selfish, it is an important part of recovery. You need time to relax and unwind and think and to feel your feelings. Get to know yourself again.
- Don't let other peoples criticism and judgement faze you. Whether it's someone you love or someone you really can not stand, or a complete stranger. It's none of your business what other people think about you. Really. It might hurt your feelings for a bit, but does it change who you are? In a society that thrives on drama and chaos and gossip, that may be hard to accept, but the sooner you do, the better. Sure, it's frustrating as hell when you know someone is talking behind your back or even to your face, if they dare. But why let someone who is not your friend, who you don't care about get you all worked up and crazy. That can lead to relapse; believe me, I know. Focus on you and what's really important and not other people. My motto comes from an awesome song by Fall Out Boy: "I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me." Their negativity that is directed at you will only hurt themselves in the end. It's called karma, baby!
I hope this will help somebody get whatever kind of help and inspiration they need. It's a long road, but it is most rewarding. When you start rebuilding trust with your children and loved ones, you will feel like you can accomplish anything. Just get over that big hump in front of you and believe in yourself! You can do it.
Warning: Good alcohol/drug counselors, bad ones: There are both and I have had both. I had a counselor who should not have been a counselor at all. She was down right nasty to certain people. There are counselors who I feel can hurt a persons recovery. Some try to be hard and just come off as assholes. But there are those who gracefully walk the line of being just hard enough to get their clients to listen and work their program honestly, and hold them accountable and aren't afraid to call bull-shit, while still being compassionate and understanding. My last counselor was that way. She helped me through the worst period of my life and I am forever grateful to her. My best counselors were ones who were in recovery themselves, who have been there and know the games people play, because they have played them. You can't bull-shit a bull-shitter. Thanks Sarah.
Like I stated earlier, these are my opinions that I hope can help someone. You don't have to agree with everything. It is my experience, strength and hope.
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