I was with my kids this evening. I'm still in this court battle over them, but things are looking up. I absolutely adore them. I have missed out on so much because of this addiction. Alcohol took so much from me, and more importantly, my babies. I can't even begin to explain how it kills me having to leave them. Knowing I caused this because I couldn't stop what I was doing. I wanted to, but I just couldn't.
Sometimes I wonder how I could have ever let anything come between us. I know I was sick. It's so hard to imagine now that I have been sober all this time, ever letting anything or anyone come between or above my love for them.
They are so amazing. There are 4 of them. I'll just use their first initial when referring to them. L is my 11 year old. He is very in to sports, especially football. Watching him play makes me so proud. K is 9, almost 10. She is turning into such a young lady. She's my girl. Then R, my 7 year old. He's my little sunshine. And N, almost 4. He's my sweet, silly guy. I am so lucky. I love them so much. I want to spend every moment with them. I have a lot of lost time to make up for. They are just absolutely amazing.
I took a lot for granted. But I am enjoying and appreciating every moment I have with them now. I am completely present when we are together, however, they pretty much fight for my attention. They all want to talk to me at the same time.
I know L and I have a lot of work ahead of us, repairing our relationship. As long as there is no more interference, I know it will work out. I love him so much. I love them all and I just want to be there for them. I am their mom and nothing will ever change that. And they know it.
Please feel welcome to leave a comment.
Join my new Alcoholics In Recovery Facebook Page.
No comments:
Post a Comment