Go Ahead, Laugh

I'm a pretty shy person by nature.

One thing I always admired about Charlie Sheen, love or hate him, is his ability to laugh at himself. Back when he was still sober, that is.When he was sober, the cracks made on two and half men about booze and hookers was funny. It was cool that he was in on the joke and didn't take himself too seriously. But once it became obvious he was using again, not so funny.

My point? It is okay to laugh at yourself.

In my life, I can look back at some of the stupid shit I've done and make small jokes, or elude at something. I have to. I can't dwell on it. Some of it, while not funny at the time, I can look back and shake my head and smile and say WTF was I thinking?....oh, yeah....I wasn't.

Drunk Dialing. That was my thing.

I used to have to hide the phone from myself when I started drinking just I wouldn't call anyone. Every morning after a night of binge drinking, I would wake up with a feeling of dread, wondering if I called someone and what did I say? Did I call  and profess my love to someone I barely Know? I've actually done that; just one of my regrets. WTF was I thinking?!

Or wondering if I had called my ex and threatened his new girlfriend (he walked out on me and went straight to her, what do expect a drunk to do?) or his brother (he was an ass).

Then there's the first time I ever had a drink at 16. At my friends house, my younger sis, M and I decided to give it a try and got totally smashed on vodka. My friend R practically dumped it down my throat and shirt. I was drunk in about 2 seconds flat. And EVERYTHING was so funny. I remember being so hot and trying to take off my clothes. I remember saying that I loved this guy I was seeing, then realizing I loved one of my ex-boyfriends, then, no I loved them both! And my sister got violent. We were in the bathroom, and she hauled off and hit me in the face. I said "do it again! It doesn't hurt!" So she did....I didn't drink vodka like that again for 8 or nine years. (I didn't drink at for several years and then it was just wine coolers and sweet girly drinks.)

That was just a preview into my future. If I'd only known. But I do laugh at that. I was a kid and I paid severely with a week long hangover.....no kidding.

It's embarrassing, yes, but I'm over it. I can laugh at that stuff and joke about it, because really, who did that hurt? At the time, I think I was only hurting myself.....I was just annoying everyone else.

I could have burned the house down trying to drunk cook. I loved to cook when I was drunk.....and do laundry. But the next day, when I'm looking at a mess of half clean, half dirty clothes on the floor and a kitchen demolished by my latest drunken concoction........

You have to be able to laugh at yourself. But don't cross over the line of funny and what's really not funny. It can be a thin line for other people, but I would just try to be considerate. My sense of humor can be sarcastic and sometimes can be perceived as mean. That's not my intent, but some people don't get me.

I would never laugh about hurting someone, ever. But a lot of what I did was just plain stupid, drunk behavior. And I can laugh now, or just smile and shake my head, and be thankful that I don't have those horrifying and humiliating experiences again.

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